A cat in a Santa cap and coat
Please be advised that due to blizzard conditions, our in-house writer could not come in to the satellite office of Cbennettworld in Brockville, Ontario. The in-house writer could also not access their computer at home, due to a power outage and lack of battery power. Therefore, we are pleased to provide you with this Christmas/Holiday greeting courtesy of ChatCAT (not to be confused with the more powerful ChatGPT):
Merry Christmas and happy holidays from the corporation CBennettworld, a division of nothing, it is its own entity, unless someone wants to buy it. Any takers? Oh how the mighty have fallen. MEOW.
2022 presented us with many challenges. The so-called "freedom convoy" offended the sensibilities of the majority of sentient beings in Canada. The war in Ukraine offended the sensibilities of the majority of sentient beings worldwide. And the shrinkflation of Metro's Irresistibles Zoodles in a Box offended the sensibilities of our pudgy CEO.
What is CBennettworld's stance on the meaning of Christmas? Besides adhering to the law affording three statutory holidays to its employees, the corporation values:
1. Safety
2. Transparency
3. Innovation
4. IAMS Proactive Health Healthy Senior Dry Cat Food with Chicken
5. Growth
6. Sustainability/Innovation
7. Continuous Improvement
8. Innovation in Cleanliness
9. Hill's Science Diet Adult Urinary & Hairball Control Dry Cat Food, Chicken Recipe
10. Innovation
We are continuously improving on the Christmas story by buying naming rights to crèches of any size. As well, we recognize the universal nature of peace on earth, good will toward all, by gifting each employee a face mask sporting the CBennettworld logo. Finally, we have donated over two thousand copies of Carolyn Bennett's underrated novel Please Stand By to the Canadian Red Cross to be used as doorstops in hospital emergency rooms across the country, apropos of nothing.
Christmas is a time for family. To quote from Gus, the Theatre Cat in T.S. Elliot's Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats:
His coat's very shabby, he's thin as a rake,
And he suffers from palsy that makes his paw shake
If you have a Gus the Theatre Cat visiting you this holiday season, welcome them with open arms, or at least an open wallet. You never know when the tail will be reversed. At least have some Hill's Science Diet Adult Urinary & Hairball Control Dry Cat Food, Chicken Recipe on hand.
And so from the no-go crypto-hipto-conglomerate that is Cbennettworld, and from its thousands of imaginary employees, c-suite executives, and of course, from its fantastical CEO, have a cosy and happy Christmas, and don't forget to empty the litter box.
Signed,
ChatCAT