U.S. President Donald Trump Apologizes For Causing The World Stress
Medical Science Explains Trump’s Erratic Behaviour
In yet another stunning turn of events, U.S. President Donald Trump has issued an apology for his outrageous conduct since taking office. Speaking from the White House, the President admitted that a rare medical condition had caused him to behave in a bellicose manner.
“I am truly sorry for any pain, duress or disrespect I have caused to our allies, friends, and to the American people,” the U.S. President said. “The doctors told me I had a giant thing pressing down on my brain that caused me to act stupid.”
A medical team at the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center operated on Trump for 18 hours and excised a growth the size of a large orange. Biopsy results have been inconclusive, but Chief of Surgery Herbert J. Butterworth believes the medical team can claim success. “We scraped as much of his ego out as we could. We won’t know for a while if there will be any significant cognitive impairment, but I think it’s safe to say we won’t be hearing anything more about Manifest Destiny.”
Since Trump took office, his conduct has outraged and appalled reasonable people around the world. A highly publicized meeting with Ukrainian President Vlodoymyr Zelensky, ostensibly to sign a peace deal Trump brokered, was one of many instances where the President went off the rails. “I can’t believe I treated a head of state that way,” the U.S. President said. “JD Vance and I acted like we were auditioning for Godfather Part 4. Sad. All I can say is that I’m truly sorry.”
Trump will spend some time at Mar-a-Lago reflecting on his nation’s state of affairs and how he will lead his administration to act in the best interest of all people. He admits that his amends list is quite long. “First on my amends list is our greatest ally and friend, Canada. I can’t believe I ran my mouth off the way I did. I mean, forcing myself on Canada? I thought my days of forcing myself on innocent people were behind me.”
In the meantime, doctors will be monitoring Trump’s brain for any resurgence of hubris.
- 30-