From my congested heart ventricles to yours, all the best for the 2021 holiday season.
All the best what? you’re wondering. All the best mRNA vaccines, all the best N95 masks, all the best physical distancing from your fellow humans! This is truly the most wonderful and awful time of year.
As I reflect on another year drawing to a close, I can’t help but marvel at how I share a name with the latest variant of Covid-19. You see, my middle name happens to be Omicron. Carolyn Ann Omicron Bennett, (my parents were fans of the 1963 Italian science fiction movie of the same name, directed by Ugo Gregoretti.) I feel delighted and repulsed by this, similar to my feelings when I lost my virginity. But I digress.
Once again, all my imaginary employees, from the overworked teams tethered to fulfillment, to the farsighted business analysts slumped at their computers, wish you a happy holiday season, full of joy and purified airborne particles.
In our imagination, you’ve asked CBennettworld what it is doing for the environment. As a global citizen, CBennettworld is serious about doing its part to create a cleaner, greener world. To that end, and in keeping with our Corporate Sustainability Goals (CSG), our workers shall receive no Christmas bonuses or company presents of any kind this year.
More news! Our conglomerate is set for big change in 2022. Imaginary Head Office is moving from Toronto, Canada, to a bigger and better Imaginary Head Office, somewhere between Kingston, Canada, and Centaurus A, Outer Space. I look forward to our new letterhead.
2021 began with an attempted insurrection at the U.S. Capitol building, and is ending with more public health restrictions due to a highly transmittable variant of the coronavirus. We’ve gone from point A to point A, but through it all we’ve stuck together, like passengers on the 501 streetcar. In these trying times, I quote Genesis 15:9 (New International Version): So the LORD said to him, “bring me a heifer, a goat, and a ram, each three years old, along with a dove and a young pigeon”. What God is saying is … pets are nice. Pat a dog, cat, heifer, goat or ram today, along with a dove and a young pigeon. But do not eat them. Not these ones. Even at Christmas. They’re pets.
So when life gets you down, when Covid-19 (or 20, 21, or whatever it’s up to) upends your plans to have a nine course meal at the top of the CN Tower and forces you to stay home and suffer through old episodes of The Crown on Netflix, do what I do – watch a documentary on the siege of Leningrad. You’re guaranteed to kiss the ground of your 7000 square foot forever home afterward.
In the meantime, be of good cheer and of generous spirit. Public health says at 50% capacity, but I’m challenging you to be 100% grateful! On behalf of my imaginary employees and C-suite team, I wish you a peaceful and happy Christmas, free from facing your own mortality.
Signed,
Carolyn Ann Omicron Bennett
Imaginary CEO, CBennettworld