A Very Special Christmas/Holiday Greeting from CBennettworld

As you may know, the Christmas/Holiday Greeting from CBennettworld 2023 is later than usual. We apologize for any sentimental hardship this may have caused. Our communications and media division went on a wildcat strike two weeks before the holiday break. This is an anomaly because our imaginary workers are not unionized, nor do they have accounts on Slack or other cloud-based team communication platforms. Each individual decided independently to cease work until they receive a new contract guaranteeing a living wage, which in Toronto is just shy of out of the question. And they liked the idea of being on a wildcat strike.

Until negotiations and endless recapitulation have begun, please accept this sincere message compliments of our chatbot Joaquim:

Happy holidays to you, and best wishes for the New Year.

Best New Year, and happy wishes for a holiday.

Best wishes to you, happy holiday and Happy New Year.

Happy New Year and happy holidays. Best wishes.

Wishing you Best holidays and a Happy New Year.

New Year, happy, and Happy you. Best holidays. 

Holidays. Best. New Year. Happy. Wishes Best to you.

New Best Year, and to you happy holiday wishes.

You. Happy wishes to holiday New Best year.  

DISCLAIMER: This holiday greeting was in no way generated by Bing, ChatGPT, Open AI, Google AI search, or any other natural language processing, with the exception of using Bing, ChatGPT, OpenAI, and Google AI search. The sentiments contained in the holiday message reflect the mission and goals of CBennettworld,  a division of CBennettworld, derived from plant-based lab grown values. 

ILLUSORY CEO ADDENDUM:
From the intergalactic corporation known as CBennettworld and its many departments, including operations, quality control, legal, procurement and sanitation, and from my heart and its atrial fibrillation, to the life pump in your chest, may the remainder of your Yuletide be filled with food you can digest, company you can tolerate, and peace you can spread.  

More Workshops: November 2023

Are you a senior? Do you aspire to become a senior? Do you feel like a senior most days, but your driver’s license says you were born in 2002? Is your driver’s license fake? Is this now stream of consciousness drivel?

If you answered yes to any of the above, then you may wish to register for Finding The Funny: How to Mine Your Life for Laughs, 90 minutes of comedy jamming and meeting new friends on Zoom. As the workshop leader, I’ll be mumbling and fumbling my way through exercises. As a comic, I’ll be looking to pilfer bits and jokes.

This workshop is offered through Accenti: The Magazine with the Italian Accent.

Stay tuned for more offerings.

Laugh, gawddamnit!

Bright Lit Big City returns Saturday, September 30, 4pm

Make sure that you attend Bright Lit Big City on Saturday September 30, 4pm at Hirut Cafe 2050 Danforth Ave Toronto. There will be injera. And authors reading their work. Probably in that order.

Surviving and Thriving in Bville

There was a fire in Brockville this week —-a fire of talent!

As the great Gloria Gaynor crooned, I Will Survive.

Please enjoy my latest essay. Shout out to urbanites in small town Ontario.

Big City Love Song (sung to the Cheers theme)

A little anthem for all my ex-pat Toronto friends living further afield:

Making your way in a small town today

Takes the least amount you've got

Getting the f&*k out of there for awhile

Sure would help a lot

Wouldn't you like to get away?

Sometimes you want to go

Where no one knows your name

And no one’s glad you came

You want to be where you can ignore 

Your paltry troubles that are so lame

You want to be where nobody knows your name

Climbing the walls when folks calls

You've lost your solitude again

And the more you're out and about

The more you want to hide from friends

When you long to hear no hello

Roll out of bed, hope no one cares 

The morning's looking bright

And you long for anonymity  

But damn – you volunteered to write

And your husband wants to go to Home Depot

Be glad there's a place in the world

Where no one knows your name

And they don’t care you came

You want to go where people know

People are immune to fame

You want to go where no one knows your name

Where no one knows your name

And they don’t care you came

Where no one knows your name

And they don’t care you came

etc..


A Special Christmas/Holiday Greeting from CBennettworld 2022

A cat in a Santa cap and coat

Please be advised that due to blizzard conditions, our in-house writer could not come in to the satellite office of Cbennettworld in Brockville, Ontario. The in-house writer could also not access their computer at home, due to a power outage and lack of battery power. Therefore, we are pleased to provide you with this Christmas/Holiday greeting courtesy of ChatCAT (not to be confused with the more powerful ChatGPT):

 

Merry Christmas and happy holidays from the corporation CBennettworld, a division of nothing, it is its own entity, unless someone wants to buy it. Any takers? Oh how the mighty have fallen. MEOW.

 

2022 presented us with many challenges. The so-called "freedom convoy" offended the sensibilities of the majority of sentient beings in Canada. The war in Ukraine offended the sensibilities of the majority of sentient beings worldwide. And the shrinkflation of Metro's Irresistibles Zoodles in a Box offended the sensibilities of our pudgy CEO.

What is CBennettworld's stance on the meaning of Christmas? Besides adhering to the law affording three statutory holidays to its employees, the corporation values:

1. Safety

2. Transparency

3. Innovation

4. IAMS Proactive Health Healthy Senior Dry Cat Food with Chicken

5. Growth

6. Sustainability/Innovation

7. Continuous Improvement

8. Innovation in Cleanliness

9. Hill's Science Diet Adult Urinary & Hairball Control Dry Cat Food, Chicken Recipe

10. Innovation

We are continuously improving on the Christmas story by buying naming rights to crèches of any size. As well, we recognize the universal nature of peace on earth, good will toward all, by gifting each employee a face mask sporting the CBennettworld logo. Finally, we have donated over two thousand copies of Carolyn Bennett's underrated novel Please Stand By to the Canadian Red Cross to be used as doorstops in hospital emergency rooms across the country, apropos of nothing.

Christmas is a time for family. To quote from Gus, the Theatre Cat in T.S. Elliot's Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats:

His coat's very shabby, he's thin as a rake,
And he suffers from palsy that makes his paw shake

If you have a Gus the Theatre Cat visiting you this holiday season, welcome them with open arms, or at least an open wallet. You never know when the tail will be reversed. At least have some Hill's Science Diet Adult Urinary & Hairball Control Dry Cat Food, Chicken Recipe on hand.

And so from the no-go crypto-hipto-conglomerate that is Cbennettworld, and from its thousands of imaginary employees, c-suite executives, and of course, from its fantastical CEO, have a cosy and happy Christmas, and don't forget to empty the litter box.

Signed,

ChatCAT